of severed limbs that don't fall off
by createandconstruct
Summary: "Her tears fall as she wraps herself around his covered body, digging her nose as close to his neck as she possibly can. His skin is horribly hot, the kind of heat that should frighten her - but it's such a relieving contrast to the cold of death that she feared would be there." (a few years post-game, a story about tails, tears, and grief)


fair warning: past kidnapping and "torture" is referenced, albeit vaguely. and of course there's dealing with the loss of a limb (tail). but there's nothing truly graphic. this story is about the aftermath and recovery.

* * *

They bring him back so swaddled in bandages and blankets that at first Garnet thinks he's dead.

It may also be the devastated look that Steiner gives her when she reaches the bottom of the stairs, Beatrix hot on her trails asking that she at least put on a coat to shield herself from the evening cold. Little things like coats and shoes hardly matter to her right now. Her honor as Queen is barely a consideration as she brushes past her friend and the other guards who peep in shock at the sight of their ruler in nothing but a nightgown. She weaves her bare feet through the small group walking towards her until she's found the board of wood and fabric they're using to carry him.

She throws herself forward out of Steiner's reach, as he and Beatrix close in from behind. She's beside the stretcher in an instant, close enough to see his face and cup it in her shaking hands. The fact that his head isn't covered, that the blanket only reaches below his neck, that there's a small puff of air coming from his open lips against her cheek, is enough to bring her head bowing beside his own. Her tears fall as she wraps herself around his covered body, digging her nose as close to his neck as she possibly can. His skin is horribly hot, the kind of heat that should frighten her - but it's such a relieving contrast to the cold of death that she feared would be there.

Her relief swirls with the anguish in her chest and she chokes with the weight of the entire week she's spent in the company of fear and potential loss. She barely feels the coat that's softly draped around her shoulders but the hand that follows after, rubbing circles between her shoulder blades, is enough permission to let herself splinter. Every vessel in her body quaking with the power of her weeping and hiccuping breathes in between.

From the side, the sound of Steiner's footsteps approach and she thanks him so deeply inside her heart that he allows her to fall apart just this once, as he takes her role.

"We are in your debt," he says, voice weary and hoarse.

There's nothing but her own tears for a moment until a deep voice at the stretcher's side responds.

"No debt necessary. As promised, we brought him home."

* * *

His recovery almost makes her forget the relief of his return.

They'd taken him into a private bedroom. Moved him from that handmade stretcher - that Beatrix and Steiner had to pry her away from - and placed him onto the bed.

No longer with her face hidden in grief, Garnet has enough sense to notice the faces of Blank and Marcus as the one's doing all the work. Though she can offer no thanks, only more tears as Blank turns to her and nods, moving off to the side to join the other Tantalus members where they stand against the wall, closest to the balcony window.

No one dares to tell her that she should leave the room.

Though Garnet still can't help but hurry to the bedside, away from the door. A part of her fearing that she'll be separated from him in the name of what is proper for a young Queen.

Though before she can reach the bed a hand shoots out and impedes her way. She stumbles back, into Steiner's armored chest, and looks up to meet the strained bloodshot eyes of Baku.

"Best to give it a moment, your Majesty."

It is only when the castle doctor arrives that Garnet understands why.

During their adventures, there had been horrors and violence, and even evil in the form of human deeds, but never before did she realize the cruelty possible of humanity until the blanket is removed and she sees what was done to him.

Because of _her _.

"His pneumonia is the one thing we must be wary of in the coming days. Of course, the other injuries must be kept in mind too, but with consistent sessions of healing magic they shouldn't cause further complications. The infection and recovery of his lungs is the biggest concern and must be monitored, and under no circumstances is he to leave this bed. I'm requiring total bed rest for a month. Besides that… he should be watched at all times, though I'm sure that'll be done anyway… considering the circumstances. Also he should only be given liquids and no solid food until his condition improves, for now that's all we can do. That and pray."

The doctor pulls away and dips his hands in the basin of water that had been placed on the bedside table. Garnet did not have to see the water to know it was turning pink with the blood that had covered the doctor's hands - that was already leaking through the new bandages he'd wrapped as she'd taken in every detail of horror and pain before her.

He moves back to the bed and reaches to pull the blanket up but Garnet's voice slips out before she can think to stop it. The sound almost unrecognizable from its overuse in crying. "Wait—"

The doctor freezes, shame filling the widening whites of his eyes. "Oh your majesty I'm— I should have been more mindful— I didn't even think to—"

"No it's fine I just..." She looks from the doctor's eyes to the bed.

Long blonde hair lies loose and tangled along the pillow so that almost all Zidane's face is hidden by its curtain.

Yet the tense expression in his features are still apparent to her. She's lied with him like this so many nights, the two of them on their sides, him fast asleep, her enjoying the peace in his face while she traces patterns along his jaw...

She knows by just the twitch of his brows that something is terribly wrong.

And it's hidden on the other side of him, bandaged again, almost covered by the blanket, and still she can hardly bring herself to mention it.

"What about…" She swallows, stepping closer to the bed, trying to draw out a bit of strength by being close to him. It doesn't make the words come out an easier, if anything it only makes it harder when she croaks, "What about his tail?"

The very question sucks the air from the room and out from the lungs of those around her.

Her eyes fill until her visions swims. Hot trails slide down her cheeks as the doctor's expression shifts. His attention turns back down to Zidane's bandaged lower back that's faced away from her.

"I'm… afraid there's nothing more I can do for that, your Majesty. I'm sorry."

Someone, Blank she thinks, storms from the room in silence until he violently slams the bedroom door. She wishes so badly she had the anger to do the same.

Instead, she's left with only two things.

A suffocating weight of sadness as she sways forward to reach out and brush Zidane's hair from his eyes and the horrible image of his tail - of what they had left of it - seared into her mind as she touches him.

* * *

The first time he wakes she is both blessed and cursed to be there.

It is only the third day since the Tantalus crew brought him home and she has already become accustomed to the routine. Not just her. The entire castle too.

She wakes, simple enough because she's already awake, and dresses. Ignoring her usual elegant wear for more practical garb, similar to the kind she once wore when exploring the world a few years ago. She ties her hair back and eats - or rather is forced to take at least three bites of '_something, your grace, please,' _by Beatrix who begs, the closest she has ever come to such a thing.

While Garnet chews, usually over a bowl of oatmeal that Quina graciously brings, she takes letters, and documents and whatever business she can from her advisors and spokespeople while at the castle dining table. She signs what must be signed, answers the matters that seem most dire and in need of answering, and does so all before she pats her mouth with a cloth before rushing from the room to make her way across the castle with Beatrix. A maid, who's name Garnet has already forgotten (which is very unlike her), brings a cart with them stacked with the necessities, until they reach the door. The maid leaves and Beatrix takes the cart once Garnet knocks and Steiner opens the door.

That is when the day truly begins.

Eiko has yet to arrive in Alexandria and Garnet is childish enough to refuse the help of any other white mages in the kingdom - of which there are very few - and thus Zidane's treatment is left to her.

She sits at his bedside in the chair that Steiner leaves for her, while he and Beatrix share words before he leaves, under the guise of eating and sleep. Though Garnet knows he'll only eat as much as she had at breakfast before returning to make rounds throughout the castle halls while Beatrix fills his shift as Zidane's primary guard.

Perhaps they're all being unreasonable, but the circumstances demand it.

Garnet heals Zidane slowly with her magic, for both his sake and her's, giving the most attention to his broken arm and the deep cuts that slice across his back and chest.

She tries not to think about what caused them.

Her magic does nothing to change his fever. It continues to burn with a heat that she can only hope is a sign of his body's strength to fight the sickness in his lungs.

She tries not to think about the source of that sickness. About how he'd gotten water in his lungs.

She tries not to let her hands shake around her staff when she rounds the bed to his back and pulls the blanket down.

And she tries incredibly hard not to cry like she has the previous two days when she sees it.

Though this time, she holds herself together enough that her tears fill but do not drop.

She works carefully to unwrap the bandages around the end. The new end. The part they had—

Beatrix almost startles her when she places a new basin of water and bandages at the end of the bed, offering a look of comfort and a nod before she walks back to her post at the door.

Garnet swallows the lump in her throat and grabs the towel from the basin and then rings it out.

She makes quick work of cleaning the tail. It's length, or what remains of it, is little more than, the length of her hand so it takes no time to clean its the wound. Though it does take slightly longer to wrap it in clean dressing and bandages - which she knows has everything to do with her trembling fingers and her memory of how long it used to be. How it would sway and twirl all the way to his feet, sometimes reaching up beneath the table to wrap around her hand, or beneath the blankets to pull her closer, or wag in delight when she'd smile back at him when he'd find her walking across a room like it had the day he'd left—

Garnet pauses to let herself breathe. Her head tips back to keep the tears at bay.

Her work is identical as the previous two days. Even the birds singing outside, ignorant to the world around them, to the loss inside the castle walls, seem to have chosen a song no different than the days before. They're just as joyous today as the last.

It is when she gathers herself again, moves to grab the basin to take it off the bed and carry it to the cart nearby, that the third day decides to finally break routine.

Water goes splashing over her waist and legs as the basin clatters over the edge of the bed, onto the floor. Garnet yanks herself back from the bed and feels for a moment as if she's been slapped. The cold water sticks her pants to her skin like mud and her heart rattles beneath her ribs.

It is only then, a few steps back from the bed when she realizes what had jolted the basin from her hands as she sees Zidane's legs kicking out violently from beneath the blanket.

The blood leaves her face. He's lying on his _back _.

"Queen Garnet!" Beatrix calls to her, clambering back to her side while Garnet dashes to Zidane's, looking to find purchase for her hands as he tosses side to side, seemingly fighting to move up the bed and out of the blanket's grip.

"Zidane!" Garnet cries, fighting to keep hold of his wrists, even the broken one, as his struggles grow more violent. "Zidane! It's me! It's alright! You're safe!"

Zidane's head whirls to face her and Garnet must be impaled in the chest, for all the air leaves her lungs - sucked through a puncture hole the moment along with her heart - when she sees his eyes. They're open... and looking straight at her.

It's been so long since she's seen them that her hold on his wrists loosens, enough that he could pull away. But he doesn't.

His hands hang limp in her pathetically weak grip.

Beatrix, now on the other side of the bed holds her hands before them and halts in her move to assist in restraining him.

Garnet blesses her smart thinking, but makes no move to look anywhere but back into the swirling blue of Zidane's eyes. The only color that can ache her very soul.

He blinks up at her, face flushed with fever, and still decorated with a few remaining bruises.

"Dagger?" He asks, so softly that she can't help but lean closer toward his lips, afraid that she'll lose his voice. "_Itss really you? _" She nods and moves as slowly as possible, as not to scare him, setting his broken arm down, letting her reach drift up until her fingers can card through his hair. Her throat is sealed when he slowly blinks at her again, the very action a reminder that he's awake and staring back at her.

Though the joy warming her suddenly becomes null. The cold weight of her soaking wet clothes against her legs is once again all she feels when his expression changes from recognition into fear.

"No…" He croaks, eyes seared to her own. "No, you shouldn't- " He reaches out of her grip to push her shoulder with a touch that's like a feather. "Go… You've gotta go, Dagger. You can't- they'll hurt you. I can't- I can't let them hurt you, please," he begs, grasping the collar of her shirt.

"No one's— no one's here, Zidane," she answers. "No one's going to hurt you..."

"You're not— You shouldn't be… please, go. Please, go, _please _," he continues, trembling as his fingers thread along the button of her collar. She lets him pull her closer to the bed. "They'll hurt you. They said they'll hurt you if I-" he can't finish as he almost heaves with the effort or perhaps a sob, and when he opens his eyes again Garnet can finally see how far away Zidane truly is from her. He's not even in the same room.

"I'm calling someone," comes Beatrix's broken whisper before her footsteps flee to the door. Garnet can't reply.

"Dagger, Dagger, Dagger," Zidane murmurs, his hot breath almost burning the skin of her face, eyes wide and sense quickly leaving him.

Garnet grabs his face and clutches the hand still in her grasp. "I'm here. I'm here, Zidane," not knowing what more to say as he drifts away from her again.

"It hurts," he sobs, and she can't fight the gasp when he tries to roll his weight towards her, curling into himself, off his remaining tail.

The door bursts open then with practically the entire castle staff at Steiner's heels in response to Beatrix's call for help. Though it's a moment too late, as Zidane's eyes roll to the back of his head and he goes limp in Garnet's arms.

* * *

"You gotta get some sleep, Dagger."

Garnet ignores the comment and continues mulling over the map in the candle light of her room. Their room, really. It hadn't been too long since their wedding, and sometimes she still had to remind herself that he had every right to stay in bed with her until the morning, no longer afraid of guardsmen or worse, Steiner, catching them together at daybreak.

She hasn't slept in that bed in five days.

"Dagger…"

"Eiko, if you aren't going to help then you can leave."

A little whine answers, and before she knows it the sounds of pages flipping have returned.

Though not for long.

"I'm just worried about you…"

Garnet places her pen flat onto the table. She breathes in and then out through her nose, aware of the Alexandrian soldiers standing outside her door. She'd promised Steiner and Beatrix that she'd be alright if the two of them took a night to worry about themselves, rather than her for a change. The two of them had barely even spoken to each other in the last few days. Let alone sleep or eat. She'd insisted she would be alright without them for a single night.

An outburst from her, is the very thing that would alert the guards that she was very much not alright. Which would then alert Steiner and Beatrix, which she wanted to avoid.

"Eiko," Garnet pushes herself away from her desk and turns to her young friend. Eiko sits on the carpet of the bedroom, books and scrolls strewn about around her in a rather perfect circle. A guilty look paints her face. "I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me."

Eiko's lips press into a pout and she tosses her hand about the pages of the book opened at her side. "You've been saying that for the last four years."

"Excuse me?"

"I said you've been saying that for the last four years!" Eiko shouts, no, _shrieks _, jumping to her feet.

Garnet joins her. Nearly knocking the candle on her table from its holder.

"When we were travelling together, you'd always say that, when we thought Zidane wasn't coming back for two years you kept saying that, and now four years later you're still saying that! You may be a Queen but you haven't changed at all! Stupid Dagger!"

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Garnet shouts back as Eiko dashes from the room. "Stupid Eiko!" She ends, rather gracefully, as the door slams shut.

* * *

"I'm sorry," she finally says when the two of them are sat at Zidane's bedside the next morning.

In just the two days since Eiko arrived with her father, Garnet's 'Uncle Cid', Zidane's arm and flesh wounds have all but healed completely. The combined power of two summoners with white magic being more than enough to speed up his recovery.

A small hand pats Garnet's knee. "It's okay, I'm sorry I yelled at you."

Garnet considers staying silent, but finds herself opening up from a comfort only Eiko can provide.

"...I can't sleep," she explains, to which Eiko hums. "I just keep thinking there's something more I can do."

"Father says you're already doing a lot," Eiko replies.

"It doesn't feel like enough," Garnet rubs her thumb over the back of Zidane's hand. Still warm with his remaining fever. "Especially when the people who did this are still-" She can't finish.

Eiko doesn't say anything in return and Garnet takes to winding her fingers between Zidane's. He takes a heavy breath in his sleep and she hopes he feels her comfort even in the darkness of his sickness.

"You shouldn't blame yourself you know."

Garnet's body jolts.

"I— I don't-"

"You do. I heard from Ruby. Those jerks kidnapped Zidane because he's your husband, right?"

Garnet turns away and bites her lip, eyes closed to hide herself.

"That's not your fault you know. And Zidane would say the same thing. In fact, I bet he's gonna say the _exact _same thing I did when he wakes up too."

Eiko jumps off her chair and up onto the bed so Garnet has no choice but to see her when she opens her eyes.

"I bet Zidane's gonna wake up and say 'Dagger, darling, I love you more than anything. You need to stop worrying so much, and go get some sleep, and eat a huge yummy meal for the both of us!'" Eiko's legs kick back and forth over the bed while she speaks in a low mock imitation of Zidane. "And then he'll say 'you gotta listen to Eiko and stop blaming yourself for something so dumb.' Cause the only guys who we should be blaming are the ones who hurt Zidane!"

Garnet wipes her eyes, and can't help the small laugh that shakes her chest. "You're right, Eiko. I'm just-" She pulls her hand from Zidane's to find her handkerchief and wipes her nose.

"You've been worried. That's okay. I have been too. Don't tell anyone but the reason we got here late is because when Mother told me what happened I cried nonstop until we got onto Father's airship and then the pilot said he couldn't concentrate with me _wailing _so he had to wait until I stopped." Eiko interrupts herself with a loud snort at that. "I wasn't that loud, you know."

Garnet gives a small chuckle through her mouth. "I… feel as if all I want to do is cry and yet I feel as if I don't even have the energy to do so..."

"Well maybe that's the problem! Maybe you didn't get it all outta your system like I did! I cried and cried until I fell asleep in Father's lap, but maybe you didn't finish crying about Zidane and that's why you can't sleep. And you know..." Eiko peeks back at Zidane beneath the blankets. "Maybe you never got to finish crying about when he left to save Kuja and didn't come back for all that time. Maybe you have a lot of catching up to do…"

Eiko's cheer washes away then, and Garnet can only watch as her young friend dips her attention to the floor, her voice sounding much older than her years.

"When Father and Mother took me in, I realized I had a lot of crying I had to catch up on… about Grandpa and Mog. And sometimes there's still days when I realize I never finished being done with all that sadness I had inside and I have to cry some more."

Garnet realizes her cheeks are wet when Eiko's hands reaches up to brush them with the handkerchief.

"I think that maybe... you need to catch up on some crying too, Dagger."

That night, instead of staying up in the library or her room pouring over the maps that Steiner and Cid had given her, Garnet sneaks her way across the castle until she slips into Zidane's room and closes the door behind her. Once inside, she removes her coat and slippers and slides beneath the covers beside him.

She spends the night wrapped as close as possible to him, catching up on as much crying as she can, until she finally cries herself to sleep.

* * *

"You wanna hire us again? I didn't realize you'd fired us."

A slap resounds in the room and Blank nurses his shoulder as Ruby fumes.

"The job I'd be hiring you for this time is… it would be significantly less personal and much more official than the last. And as Queen, I would insist that you be compensated for your work."

Blank teeters back in his chair. "And by _job _I assume you mean that we'd be tracking down the group of assholes who took Zidane. I don't know, sounds pretty personal to me." Garnet ties to keep a straight face while Blank throws her a knowing, yet serious grin.

At the end of the table Baku laughs, "You're damn right it's personal, but hell if I ain't one to say no to compensation!"

Garnet, much more comfortable than the Knights of Pluto watching anxiously around the room, waits until the commotion finishes before continuing her offer.

"Baku, as Queen, I'd be willing to provide Tantalus with—"

"As _leader _of Tantalus I think it's only right that I make the demands, here, your Highness," Baku interrupts, and there is absolutely a burst of complaint for such rudeness by Steiner who's standing off with his knights behind her. "For a job like this... I think it's only fair that in return, Tantalus be made Alexandria's honorary theater troupe for all celebrations, festivals, and parties. And! That every year for the Queen's birthday the honorary royal theater troupe be called to perform a play of your choice."

"Don't we already have that title— I mean, unofficially," Marcus whispers at Cinna to her right.

Garnet gives a smile, her first in a very long while, and offers her hand for Baku to shake.

"I believe that's well within my means as Queen, sir Baku."

"Alright now that that's all settled," Blank joins in from across the table again, still teetering. "We've still got the issue of tracking these guys down. Their base left no clues, no maps, no nothing. Actually, we've got less than nothing until Zidane wakes up and tells us what the guys even look like…"

"Oh—! I just can't stand the idea of some group wonderin' about, havin' the audacity to call themselves a group of travelin' thieves only to then go and kidnap a young man for ransom! It gives a troupe like ours a bad name!" Ruby adds, voice weepy.

Blank replies under his breath, "Ruby… you're hardly a member anymore." Which earns him another slap.

"Well that's why we're finally doing something about it!" Baku continues on. "Running around thieving is one thing, kidnapping is another - I mean we've had our fair share of both!" Her friends around the table all nod - Steiner's armor clanking with his own vicious agreement behind her.

"But this— taking a brother of Tantalus? Messing with a man's life like it ain't worth more than a little dough?! I'll be damned if we let that stand!" Baku thunders, his fist slamming the table as the rest of Tantalus shout in agreement. "Now… how about we all shut it and let the Queen speak her piece! Before she actually does fire us!" Baku bellows in laughter again.

Garnet waits until attention has returned before pulling out the map at her side. She rolls it out across the table, it's ink marks, tear stains, and candle wax from a week of sleepless nights all apparent across the paper for all eyes to see. But even more so is the dotted lines of black, trailing along the map, proof her work and only now finished thanks to the night of sleep she'd had after her talk with Eiko. The marks note the obvious tracking and predicting she's done to determine the next move of the group who had taken Zidane. Her husband. And a friend of everyone in the room.

"If you're all willing, I believe I have a plan."

* * *

Garnet finds him alone, on the balcony, after all attendees of the meeting have dispersed.

Steiner had been made her appointed guard for the day, upon Beatrix's insistence while she took the role of guarding Zidane's room. When Garnet had accepted hug after hug from each of the Tantalus crew, only to realize she hadn't heard a lecture about the overdoing of physical affection towards a Queen, she had turned to her side and found him missing.

It left her to go searching for him... something she's never found herself doing before.

"Steiner?" she begins somewhat cautiously. He looks out over the railing, hands locked together at his back, the amber rays of the setting sun shining off his armor. She wonders if he didn't hear so she tries again, a little stronger, moving to his side. "Steiner."

He jumps.

"Pri-! Your Majesty! You startled me!" A hand covers his chest while he takes a deep calming breath. She pretends not to hear the slip of her old title.

"Forgive me, I was just wondering where you'd gone," she says and strange look passes Steiner's face.

"There is nothing to forgive, your Majesty. I simply… needed a break from all the nonsense back there. Even after so long that group still cannot control themselves inside the castle," he huffs, though she can already tell it's insincere. Steiner does nothing without all his heart and energy, including anger and frustration. This lukewarm reaction tells of something else inside his heart, than just annoyance.

Garnet hums in reply, resting her arms over the balcony railing, and allows the wind to toss her hair. "It's unlike you to not tell me where you're going."

"I… apologize, I should have been more considerate."

"No apologies necessary, Steiner."

"There are always apologies necessary, at times, your Majesty."

Garnet rubs her arms as they prickle with the slight cold of the wind and the softness of her friend's tone.

She cannot pinpoint what it is that is obviously bothering him, especially when he does not let her see his face - only his side profile is privy to her as they stand shoulder to shoulder looking out upon the rooftops of Alexandria. Had this been what Eiko had felt, a few nights ago, desperate to read Garnet while her back was turned, concealing her true heartache in her tireless work?

The thought of her friend gives Garnet a bit of courage and the appropriate words she needs..

"Steiner?" She questions, waiting until he turns to meet her.

"Yes, your Majesty?"

"I would like to ask you something… but before I do, I must ask something _of _you first," she clarifies, hands held together at her front.

Steiner moves to take a knee, but she stops him, grabbing his arm.

"Your-"

"I would like to ask you a question not as your Queen, Garnet, but as your friend, Dagger." He stands back up, straight, and face now shadowed with the setting sun but also with the bruises circled below his eyes. "If you would allow me to be so selfish," she finishes.

Steiner seems to mull her request over in the clenching of his jaw.

She presses him a final time, "Please, Steiner."

He lets his eyes close and then brings a hand up to clear his throat, "I suppose… I can grant such a request… for a dear friend."

Garnet can't help but smile. Her hands clasping at her chest in small delight. It's her second of the day.

"What is the question you wish to ask, your Maj- uuuh…. I mean… Ma'dam Dagger?"

The smile stays until he finishes and disappears when she thinks back to her talk with Eiko and attempts to pick her words.

"I would like to ask, what is troubling you?"

It is immediately apparent that such a question, even as a friend, is perhaps to sudden and to the point.

Steiner's face becomes guarded, covered with his best attempt at a facade. "Nothing is troubling me. I think like many right now, I am simply weary from the current events…"

"Is that truly all?" Garnet implores, hands tightening together. "What about Beatrix?"

"Beatrix?" Steiner repeats, tipping his head and helmet to the side.

"Yes. I know things have been rather strained lately - I mean, in terms of workload around the castle. The two of you are my most trusted knights as well as my dear friends and I fear I may have asked too much of both of you. I have depended on you both through this entire week, and even before from the moment that-" She's surprised when a lump appears in her throat, "-that Zidane went missing. The two of you have hardly had any time together, not to mention not getting time to eat or sleep. It was only when Eiko and Uncle Cid first arrived that you both had a single evening of rest.

"This situation has been terribly unfair to the two of you, and I'm afraid I've done nothing but perpetuate it by depending on you both far too much. As both your queen and your friend, I want to know if you're frustrated with me and my actions."

Steiner looks a gust away from tipping over. "Your Majes-" He fights himself when he sees the look she gives him. "Dagger—!" He sighs in relief after getting her name out.

"Serving you and the crown is not only my- but also Beatrix's greatest honor. While our current situation is… unfortunate, I do not have even a semblance of frustrating towards you." Garnet tries not to look horribly unconvinced. "Truly. If anything Beatrix and I wish nothing more than to be at your side right now. Protecting you and-" he freezes, almost a full second, and it's here she knows she's found something, "-and Zidane."

"What about Zidane, then?"

"I'm… I'm sorry?"

"Is there something troubling you about Zidane?"

Steiner's mouth becomes an uncomfortable mess of a shape, one that she can't decide if he might laugh, or cry.

Seven days ago, after Tantalus had found Zidane and brought him home, upon Garnet's own desperate request, she had thought nothing of it when Steiner had declared himself as Zidane's primary guard. Even when Steiner had switched with Beatrix every morning, to eat and rest, while Beatrix and her entered the room to treat Zidane, Garnet had thought nothing of it when he continued to pace the halls. Before, she hadn't the time to think upon it. But now she wonders...

"Steiner. You do not blame yourself for what happened, do you?"

Steiner holds her tense glare, seemingly unwilling to give her any indication of what he's thinking or feeling, which is so rare for him that perhaps getting him to truly open up to her will be harder than she-

And then all at once, rather spectacularly, he falls apart. It's so startling Garnet nearly falls over.

"I-! I am responsible for what happened to Zidane!" he sputters, tears suddenly gushing down his face. "I am a failure as not only a knight but also- as a friend! To both you and to him!"

"Steiner, what in the world are you talking about? What happened isn't-" She tries, but he continues, falling to his knees.

"He insisted on travelling to the Black Mage's village during the busiest time of training for the Knights of Pluto! And even though there was no indication at the time that something so horrible could occur, it was— it is still my duty as a knight to accompany him! But I-" Steiner blubbers and Garnet allows herself to glide down to her knees as well. "I refused his request. I refused to accompany him. I was selfish and frustrated and up to my neck in the stress of working the new recruits that when he said he couldn't wait for me - that he was going anyway, even if I didn't follow- I did nothing and let him go. And because of that he was _alone _. He was alone and he couldn't fight off that group of thieves and was kidnapped, and t-tortured. And not as Zidane, but as the prince consort. Something so dreadful and avoidable occurred because of me. Because I failed my duty and left him to go alone."

Steiner weeps into the back of his hand.

Garnet says nothing as she swipes the tears that fall from her own cheeks. She can't help but think that so much crying has been done in the castle in just a week than in her entire life thus far.

She places a hand on Steiner's plated shoulder while he quakes with the effort of his sobs.

"You know, Steiner, I too blamed myself for what happened." His face darts up, dripping with snot and tears, moments away from rejecting the very idea of her guilt, but she doesn't let him. "I kept blaming myself for not accompanying him. For not sending someone to look for him sooner, for sleeping and eating and leading the kingdom the entire time he was gone. And when Baku and the others brought him home, I blamed myself for not doing enough to find the men who did this. And do you know what I realized?"

"W-What?" Steiner croaks.

"I realized just how silly I was being and... how upset Zidane would be by my thinking. I am no more at fault than you are, Steiner, so if you must blame yourself then blame me too."

"I- I could not do such a thing," he replies shaking his head.

Garnet wipes her face again and stands, offering him a hand.

"Then do not. Blame the one's truly responsible for this and the ones who will see justice when we find them," she tells him, making it a promise to herself and the sun just as it disappears from the horizon.

His legs wobble as he stands, and she provides him with her handkerchief, thankful that she got around to washing it the previous night, so that he can wipe the leaking anguish from his face. "As usual, you are truly beyond your years, your Majesty. And as hard as it is to accept, you are right."

Garnet smiles. The third of the day, and the truest one she's had as it dimples cheeks.

"I believe I'm still speaking as a friend, Steiner. Not a queen."

He blanches, though only a bit, handing her back the handkerchief. "Oh, I apologize… it is simply a force of habit."

"That's alright, Steiner," she says, smile still upon her cheeks. "Besides, I believe I would like to ask you something as your Queen now."

He stands up a little straighter at that.

"Yes, your Majesty?"

She smiles a little wider.

"Please, take the rest of the night off?"

"Ah… but of course, your Majesty."

"And tomorrow too."

"Bu-! … But of course, your Majesty…"

* * *

Dealing with one's guilt seems to attract the guilt of others, or at least, that's what Garnet has begun to believe.

It is early in the morning, the sun has yet to rise, her eyes are barely open yet, and Uncle Cid's ship is preparing for take off.

It is also her last chance to say goodbye to Zidane before she boards. The Tantalus crew are already at the dock, with Beatrix, Eiko, Steiner, and a few soldiers likely wondering where she's gone.

But it is also the ninth day since Zidane's return. Another day without a sign that he'll be waking up soon despite his fever being gone and the hopeful words left upon the doctor's last visit. Perhaps that's why she finds herself unable to bear the idea of leaving without saying goodbye to him. Even if he isn't fully there to hear it.

She means to slip inside the room, maybe kiss him on the forehead, whisper a promise that she'll return, and then scurry back through the castle halls until she joins everyone outside.

She does not mean, or even expect to see Mikoto, Zidane's younger sister, standing outside his bedroom door. And it can't be helped, but her chest aches when she sees the girl's tail, swaying just inches above the floor.

"Mikoto?" She asks, feeling quite as if she's done this all before.

"Oh." Mikoto turns. "Queen Garnet. I was under the impression that you were joining the Tantalus Crew and Alexandrian soldiers today."

"I am actually, I just… needed to do something before I left." Mikoto gives Garnet nothing in her blank stare. "Um… I did not know you were coming to Alexandria so soon. When I sent word to the village, I figured with travel it may be another day. Freya and Amarant have yet to even arrive."

Mikoto blinks. "I felt there was no need to delay my travels to Alexandria upon receiving your message. I apologize if my early presence is an inconvenience in anyway." Garnet shakes her head and goes to respond but Mikoto beats her to it. "I assume you are here to see Zidane. I will get out of your way then," she says, and spins on her heel to walk away.

"Wait, Mikoto!" Garnet calls grabbing the girl's wrist. Her tail brushes Garnet's fingers, but surprisingly that is not the thing that constricts Garnet's chest around her heart. It is the image of Mikoto, Zidane's little sister, standing alone outside his bedroom door, likely to say nothing to anyone, allowing herself to wait, until someone gave her permission, that would not come until Garnet and the others returned, so that she could finally see her own brother. "You- Did you want to come in with me? You haven't seen him yet have you?"

It's very likely that Garnet has spoken to Mikoto less than she's even seen her. If she's remembering correctly, their last conversation was barely two words to each other at her and Zidane's wedding the previous year. Yet even then, behind her monotone and expressionless face, Garnet could see a bit of Zidane behind Mikoto's eyes. A bit of stubbornness and a bit of something that made Garnet think that her and Mikoto could perhaps become good friends.

"No, I was…" Mikoto stops, appearing to reconsider her words. "I do not wish to impede you. You are obviously here for my brother."

"As are you," Garnet counters, refusing to let the girl's wrist go as she tries to pull it back. "Please, I cannot leave Alexandria knowing that Zidane has been deprived of a visit from his beloved little sister."

Garnet is sure she sees Mikoto turn a little pink at her words. "Fine. If you insist."

And that is how she ends up in Zidane's room, holding his sister's hand, unable to take a step further as Mikoto's feet become rooted to the spot the second they step inside.

"Would you like to go a little closer?" Garnet asks, after a moment of silence between them.

Mikoto surprises her by only nodding.

And by not letting go of her hand.

The two of them approach the bedside, hand in hand, Mikoto's breathing turning a little harsh the closer they get, and Garnet tries her best to give the girl some privacy, keeping her attention solely on Zidane.

Once at his side, Garnet reaches to pull over the usual bedside chair, and offers it to the girl - who Garnet realizes with a cringe, is nearly crushing her hand, "Would you like to sit down?"

Mikoto does not respond. She does little of anything beside look straight toward Zidane where he lies sleeping softly on his side.

It's a little surprising when she does decide to speak.

"He has not woken up yet in the time since he returned?"

Garnet starts, when she realizes that what was said was in fact a question.

"He woke up briefly the third day after he was brought home, but he was so lost in fever that now... I'm not sure I would consider him awake at the time," she answers, and attempts to peek at Mikoto's face, once again feeling like she's following some strange new routine.

She does not get the opportunity to inspect the girl's expression before she is asked another question.

"Why is he on his side?"

Truthfully, even after nine days, confronting the truth of what happened is still something she has yet to come to terms with - or more particularly, what happened to Zidane's tail.

It takes her a long moment to swallow, and wind her fingers into Mikoto's before she finds her answer.

"It's to keep him off his tail."

Mikoto turns to her.

"Why? Was it broken?"

Garnet feels her face scrunch, before she looks away, unable to hold the familiar blue of Mikoto's blue eyes. "No it... was cut off."

Garnet blinks when there's no response. She had expected something, perhaps a gasp, the ripping of Mikoto's hand from her own, the indication that her words were heard? She turns back to the girl and finds her free hand flying up to press against her chest.

Gone is the usual blank glare of the young girl's face. Yet not a tear or show of sadness is there in its place. Somehow, there's something worse.

"Why?" Mikoto asks.

Garnet shakes her head, "I don't know."

"But _why? _" Mikoto presses, her brows furrowing, the quiet desperation there and a little too much like a child that Garnet can't help but think of Vivi and then she _is _dangerously close to crying. On the very day she said she wouldn't. "It's his tail. It's…"

"They were cruel," Garnet decides, unsure of how to help when she has not found an explanation herself. "There's no reason, except that they wanted to hurt him." _To hurt me._

Mikoto squints her eyes. "How will people know then?"

"Know what?" Garnet questions, lost to Mikoto's own.

"His tail is gone. But mine remains. Besides that, there is no apparent connection between us," Mikoto explains, her voice no longer a single tone, and becoming less steady as she continues, "how will people know then, that we're siblings?"

Garnet gives a squeeze to Mikoto's hand. "I... I am certain people will know just as easily as I do that you and Zidane are related." For some reason, there's a feeling as if the last nine days having been preparing Garnet for this moment. Her voice is confident as she speaks, and she finds her words despite her pain. "There is so much more than just your appearances that make the two of your siblings. I am certain Zidane would say the same thing too."

"And yet it is because he considers us siblings that he decided to leave Alexandria and travel to the Outer Continent to see me." Mikoto looks to Garnet, childlike confusion written into every muscle of her face. "Had it not been for me, he would not have been in the position that led to his capture… perhaps it is for the best that I no longer be his sister."

"Mikoto!" The girl stiffens when Garnet grabs her other hand and brings them together. "Don't ever say something like that! What—! What would Zidane say if he heard you say he'd be better off without his sister!"

So deeply does Garnet wish that her life were the climax of a play and that at this very moment Zidane would reveal himself awake and chirp in with something perfect and reassuring and grand for the conclusion of her story. But, his face stays lax in the corner of her eye, and Garnet takes to doing things her own way, leaving words behind and deciding to wrap her arms around Mikoto's shoulders, pulling her into a crushing hug.

She wishes so badly she could stay a little longer at Mikoto and Zidane's side, but comforting a friend is not the only thing she must do today. The early colors of dawn are peaking through the drawn curtains of the window as she looks over Mikoto's shoulder.

She pulls back to find Mikoto looking rather off-balance at the sudden affection, and Garnet uses the chance to push her into the chair at their side.

"Mikoto. It pains me to do this but I must go. Steiner and the other's are waiting for me and we need to leave for the Outer Continent before the sun fully rises, but I insist that you stay here… with Zidane. I think it would be good… for both of you."

Garnet pats the girl's hands and rises, only receiving another blank stare, in return.

Until, Mikoto's eyes move past her, turning to the figure behind Garnet on the bed. In a quiet voice she asks, "Is it truly alright if I stay?"

Garnet softens, "But of course."

She waits until Mikoto scoots her chair an inch closer to Zidane's side before scurrying out the door. Only feeling a bit disappointed that she didn't get the chance to kiss him goodbye.

* * *

Nine days of planning and it all comes to a head when Tantalus, Steiner, and Beatrix, storm a mountain cave.

Garnet waits with Eiko outside, the two of them posed with their staffs and summons ready. A few Alexandrian soldiers, with Ruby and Cid, even stand on guard nearby, though they wisely do not leave the ship's platform.

The setting is rather empty, unlike the sort of battles she's been used to in the past, and it makes her wish that she had the rest of her friends at her side. Quina is at the castle, Freya on her way from Burmecia, and Amarant coming from… somewhere. If she had asked them, they would have come along without a second's notice. But she knows better. For the success of this plan, it was best to keep their group small. And to leave it to the professionals.

All things being said, it doesn't even last very long.

Baku comes storming out of the cave in less than fifteen minutes, throwing two bruised and bloodied men, now tied in ropes, to the ground. "There's more where that came from," he utters, before spinning around and heading back inside.

By the time everyone has left the cave, a group of ten men are tied up and thrown about the ground before her.

"I believe, I finally have your attention," Garnet states, stepping forward to the man she presumes is the leader.

He spits, blood splattering at his side, but says nothing.

"As is written in Alexandrian law, you and your men shall be taken to the Mist Continent and tried under our court for the crimes you have committed."

The man spits again and Steiner appears, chest puffed out more than usual as he pulls a scroll out and reads the long, egregious list of crimes that Garnet had written with the help of Cid and Baku. One because he was well versed in the laws of Alexandria and the other because he'd been a witness to the laws that had been broken when he'd found Zidane.

"Do you have anything to say for yourselves?"

The man before her, the leader, the one who likely wrote and sent the letter she had received weeks ago, demanding Alexandria's riches in exchange for her husband's life, sneers.

"Yeah, just one thing, your _grace _. Did ya'll find the parting gift we left behind? We left it hanging all nice up on the wall."

Garnet spares no response and simply orders the criminals be taken inside the ship.

Though her and the others wait as Blank retreats back inside the cave.

It's perhaps a blessing she has the sense to send the grotesque man away, because when Blank returns, steps before her, unwrapping the cloth folded in his arms with trembling hands, the violence that bubbles up from her for just a moment is _frightening _\- and one that she knows Zidane would never wish in her.

She has to push it back though. She has to be the person she knows she is, for him, her kingdom and herself. Even as she's forced to put her hands out and take the once again folded cloth, now hiding the long severed piece of Zidane's tail, she tells herself that things will get better. That there will be justice. That he _will _recover.

As she holds the stiff appendage, wrapped in cloth, she cradles it to her chest and looks off to see the afternoon sun, high above the clouds in the sky. Around her, a few of her friends poorly hide their tears and grief. Perhaps for them, it feels like the end.

For her, it feels only a little different than before.

Like the true beginning.

* * *

Garnet is never sure what to expect from him, so when she lies next to him atop the blankets that he's under, fingers brushing through his hair, she shouldn't be surprised when he asks, in his still underused voice, "Can I see it?"

She sits up as Beatrix brings it in, both Mikoto and Steiner - who is visibly shaking and audibly rattling in his armor - at her side

Garnet helps Zidane into an upright position, mostly possible by the pillows she and Steiner stuff behind his back before she takes the cloth - they had gotten a new one the moment they'd returned home only to find Quina, Mikoto and the entire castle staff flustered with the best news Garnet has truly ever heard - and waits until he's ready to take it in his hands.

She doesn't hold her breath as he pulls the cloth cover back, but she does reach behind him to rub small circles on his back. A comfort for her, and permission for him... if he needs it.

He looks at it for a while, his hand only holding the ends of the cloth, but eventually he does reach out. His fingers glide along the fur of his tail from end to end, watching as it prickles up and smoothes down again.

"Are you alright?" She finally asks, when he's taken to only holding it.

Zidane tilts his head, "Yeah... it's just a bit weird, I guess."

Steiner joins in next. "If… if it is too much right now, I could take it back for now."

"Or I'll take it back," Beatrix corrects, placing a hand on Steiner's shoulder that is very obviously still shaking. "Which would probably be better."

"No, it's alright…" Zidane says, voice soft as Garnet continues rubbing his back.

"If I may?"

The room turns to Mikoto and her raised hand.

"It may not be functional, but if you'd like, I could sew it back on, though it would be solely for aesthetic purposes."

Both Steiner and Beatrix sputter, "Sew it back _on?!"_

Zidane laughs, and Garnet joins with a giggle when he doesn't dissolve into his usual coughing. "I appreciate the sentiment, Mikoto, but… I think it may just be better off like this."

Mikoto raises a brow. "Are you certain?"

"Sure, and I mean, all things considered, it could've been a lot worse," he shrugs, folding the cloth to cover his tail.

"How on earth could it have been worse?!" Steiner's chokes, stomping in place.

"I mean they could've cut something else off in close proximity that's a little more valuable to both me and Dagger, than just a tail," he adds with a sly look as Steiner's face goes red and Beatrix simply shakes her head.

"If you're cracking jokes, should I assume you're feeling up to seeing everyone?" Beatrix proposes, a smile poorly hidden on her face.

"Oh, yeah, sure! Bring 'em all in, Dagger said Blank and the others are even here too, right?" He turns to her and she nods, watching his face glow at the mention of their friends. "Yeah, bring 'em in!" His volume has him coughing just a bit, but he hides it rather well.

Garnet simply watches beside him, her hand still set between his shoulder blades, tracing gently patterns as a new commotion begins when the room becomes full with all their friends.

Zidane laughs and grins, as familiar faces, noise, even some tears fill the room - everyone's relief at not only his waking up but at the return of his usual self becoming like sparks of magic in the air. Freya and Beatrix pat Steiner as he finally bursts into dramatic sobs, Amarant stands off by her Uncle Cid and the Tantalus crew who laugh and tell the entire story from the very first detail, and Quina bounces with excitement at the very mention from Doctor Tot and the castle doctor that Zidane can soon eat solid food again.

Garnet stays quiet. In her peripheral she finds Eiko, who gives her a very knowing look as she sneaks in to stand by Mikoto's side, who seems to be giving Zidane a look of the same caliber before turning to Garnet with what might be called concern on her raised brow.

Garnet only offers her two friends a nod.

Eventually, she's going to have to cry again. If Eiko is right, the anguish she's kept inside during the past weeks is not nearly out of her system yet - not mention the last few years… maybe even longer than that. She knows she has some crying she still needs to do.

And Zidane does too, he just hasn't let himself realize it yet.

Certainly, by just the look of things, he seems quite fine. He's laughing and chatting along with everyone like nothing ever happened. But Garnet knows him, and she also knows herself, almost too well after the past nine - now almost ten as the sun has begun to set - days.

She knows his smile isn't full. She knows his laugh isn't as lighthearted as it could be and that he's keeping it low to stifle his remaining cough.

She knows he likely thinks she won't notice how tightly his fingers are still wound around the cloth laid across his lap, but she does.

She knows how easy it is to try and hide one's hurt.

But for now she keeps all that to herself, allowing herself to relish in Zidane at her side, and the marvel of all their friends back together once again, even despite the circumstances, while she thinks on the possibility of prosthetic tails.

And that if Zidane needs to cry himself to sleep in the coming nights... she'll be right there, comforting and crying alongside him.

* * *

**A/N: So I played Final Fantasy IX for the first time and beat it two days ago... and then proceeded to write this entire monster of a fic. I think it's safe to say that I loved the game and all its characters. But I especially loved Zidane, so of course I had to hurt him. Why did I do this? I'm sad now. I wanna take this fic back.**

**But honestly I'm really happy with how this came out and I would be so SO appreciative to hear feedback on it, especially since I know the FFIX community is rather small... where is everyone?! This game is so good! Which is why you can expect some more FFIX stuff from me in the near future, if ya'll are up for it! Just let me know!**


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